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How to Change Your Name: Part 3

January 30, 2012

You’ll probably have to expedite applying for your updated passport because of a business trip to Canada in March. The process is relatively painless, except for the photo. How can it be so hard to take a harmless 2×2 photo?

You rush home from a leisurely afternoon at your parents house to take this photo against an off-white wall in your second bedroom/office/storage.  You live in a cave-apartment, so sunlight is crucial, and you’re racing against the clock to get enough light into the only room in your cave with more than one window. It takes upward of 25 attempts, with you running back and forth from the free passport photo programs online to confirm that yes, your husband was indeed standing too close. In between photos, your husband will say, “Oh my god, you do not look like this in real life,” and show you the screen.

Are you glasses crocked? Or just your eyes? Or maybe your ears? Are you hung over? Because you look like you blacked out and got into a bar fight last night. And, since when did you get a Medusa-inspired hair cut – it looks like your hair is trying to strangle you to death. And what’s up with that cheekbone? Someone must have knocked your jaw out of line last night in the fight.

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